Dad On Duty #23 – Sandy Hook Anniversary

Everyday in this job is intense, but for different reasons each day.

Today it was mostly because of Sandy Hook.

Thursday, I was dropping my kid off and one of the teachers caught me and asked if I could find a second Santa for today. Too many kids signed up, and one Santa wasn’t gonna cut it. Yeah, I think I can, I’ll let you know shortly.

As I’m leaving, my boss (the principal) catches me and asks if I’ll be here Friday. Yeah, I tell her, one of the teachers asked if I could help with Santa……before I can explain that I’ve been asked to *find* a Santa, the boss cuts me off. “You’re not doing that. I need you standing guard. This is the anniversary of Sandy Hook. It probably means nothing, but I want really tight security tomorrow”.

Didn’t even think of that. Truly, it sets me back on my heels. My kid is a first grader.

Holy crap.

“Yes ma’am”.

A little shiver as I head to the car.

When I came to work today, I did our Bobby the Bobcat thing as usual. Hugged and high-fived a bunch of kids. Got out of Bobby suit and into watchdog uniform.

We had a LOT going on today. We had a “business fair” where 5th graders made various products and everyone else went shopping. 400+ kids moving through school to do that, along with a bunch of parents helping.

We had Cookies with Santa shortly thereafter, with 350 kids coming down to see Santa, along with parents helping.

And of course the usual stuff:
Kids with emotional meltdowns for various random reasons needing consolation: 5
Need to dispatch asst principal to intervene with ADHD kid, who’s teacher is about to start drinking heavily: 1
Shoes tied: 56
Lost items searched for: 4
Move stuff and/or carry heavy items: 3
Fix things: 4

But uniquely today, I checked every crook and cranny of the school. My boss’ concerns reverberating loudly in my head.

I literally walked every inch of the school, twice. I looked in every single room, opened every door. Turns out, it’s a big damn building.

I checked every car in the two parking lots, individually, 4 times.

And the whole while, I thought “I can’t believe I have to be worried about this”. But I really was.

There’s no reason to think today was any more likely to produce a threat than next Wednesday, really. Or 3 years from now. But the thought of what did happen a year ago had a profound effect on me today.

A couple times, in the cold drizzle, I thought “eh, no need to walk through the faculty lot….don’t be ridiculous. Go in and see if they need help stapling up some art”. But then the angel (or devil?) on the other shoulder said “no short cuts today. Check the cars again”. And I did.

My affect was definitely changed. Had a mom tell me later “thought you were pissed at me for some reason” after bumping into her and barely acknowledging her. In my head, I was thinking “not a bad guy, ignore her and move on”. I tried to smile and be pleasant, but inside I was really jumpy, and focused.

Thousands of miles and a year apart, and yet that event affected us here so much today. I am saddened so much, first and foremost for the people of Sandy Hook (cannot even imagine, and don’t want to) and for all those, like us, affected around them.

Of course, everything went fine at our school. Shoes were tied, tears were dried, lost items were found and kids were loaded onto busses and into cars, all quite safely.

Thank God.