Dad on Duty #36 – 5 y/o Con Artist

So this week, I got fleeced by a five year old.

I hadn’t really noticed this kid before, but I darn sure will now.

I was helping with potty patrol, wherein I say “ok, I think you’re done. This ain’t social hour. Let’s go. Wash the hands. Just one paper towel”. Etc etc. it’s a good thing I have hundreds of hours of formal management and leadership training, or I’d never make it through this mission.

Potty patrol for the little kids is one of the laborious, thankless tasks I try to take off the teachers one day a week. Herding 22 kindergarteners through the bathroom before lunch will, seriously, make you start drinking at 11:15 am. I figure I can throw myself on that grenade one day a week; the ladies have the other four.

So, back to the bilking episode. One little boy was being especially reticent about moving on from the bathroom to the lunchroom, which in hindsight should have made me suspicious.   As I’m cattle-prodding him along, I realize I don’t think he washed his hands. So I directly ask him. He hesitates for a second then says “uh-huh…” I indicate my skepticism, but he says “yeah I did”. The little boy behind him throws him under the bus: “no he didn’t!” I point to the sink.

As he’s drying his hands, he tells me his teacher can’t find his lunch card, and he needs money. I ask him how his card got lost, and he shrugs his shoulders. “But she can’t find it and I need money”. I tell him, truthfully, I don’t know how this system works but I’ll figure it out and he’ll get lunch, not to worry. He again says, “I think for today I just need money”. I was *this* close to just handing him a $5, but instead walked in to the cafeteria with him as he joined his class.

I went to his teacher and pointed to the boy (heretofore known as Frank Abagnale) and asked “what are we doing about his lunch?”   She looked at me blankly <blink, blink>. “He says you can’t find his lunch card?” “Um…that’s news to me….I haven’t looked yet”. She rifles through the lunch cards and….voila…..pulls out a card. Never even looking at Mr Abagnale, she passes the card behind her back to him. He takes it, without comment or reaction.

I’m speechless.

The teacher says “I think you nearly got swindled”.

Yeah. Thanks for pointing that out.

She tells me “I’ll chat with him about his choices”. That’d be great, thanks.

At least I still have my five bucks.