Dad on Duty #50

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How much sadness is OK for a kid to endure? Turns out, that’s a really pertinent question when you’re consoling a 9 year old in the hallway.

We’ll come back to this question in a bit.

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We had a total technology meltdown today. The school phones are pure VOIP and our local node failed (an actual, literal, meltdown), so we lost all phones and internet/intranet.

Nobody could call in or out. We couldn’t email, in or out. Couldn’t even print assignments or projects.

It was practically Lord of the Flies up here.

It was astonishing how much we rely on that one thing….an internet connection….for EVERYTHING.

I remember as an elementary student running notes and messages to the office and between teachers. It was the only way to communicate Back Then. Human carrier pigeons.

It was actually a plum assignment; walking the halls with a note or a mission, exempt from the regular school rules, at least for a few minutes. We had to revert to this technique today, as well as running to classrooms ourselves. The kids thought it was pretty cool. We were kinda worn out.

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Of course with the internet down, we couldn’t check visitors through the system. We had awards presentations today, so a lot of parents were coming in and out all day. Again, we had to do it the old fashioned way; eyes on everyone in the building, keep on the move and see and be seen.   Turns out, if you have the manpower, the old method works just fine.

It’s an obvious message when one of us is standing up front, clearly watching. The visitors are always very respectful….and, I think, appreciative that someone is watching.

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We need our kids to be able to endure some difficulty, to hear mean things said to them…about themselves….and yet still not just function, but be positive

We need our kids to be able to connect with others, even when it’s not easy. To find a way to make friends when they’re hurting, or feel alienated, or are perceived (even by themselves) as different.

They will learn these things two ways; through experience and through coaching and teaching by us. They need both.

They need to fall off the bike, get a scratch, and then get instruction from you as to why they fell and how to prevent it. The experience creates the right environment for active listening (“yeah, that hurt. I really want to learn how to not do that again”).

But when you’ve consoled and counseled a child in the hallway who is sobbing because of something mean a classmate said to her, and then you watch that child wandering, alone and disconnected, on the playground at recess, every fiber of your being as a parent screams:

“That’s enough ‘experience’ already!”

It takes everything you have not to run out there and pick her up and carry her through this rough patch.

Is there really value in the long run for a kid to go through this?   How much is ok, and when do you jump in?   Hell, I don’t even really know with my own kids, much less yours.

And yet, I am staring at that very problem through the window right now.

And I don’t know what to do.