Dad On Duty #51

Hugs.  Lots of hugs today.  It’s as if the kids knew that the last couple of shifts have been a little emotionally draining.   Hugs will recharge you pretty well

Almost every kid knows me by name now, although I know relatively few of their names (maybe 100 of the 600?).   Of course, my name is stitched on my shirt, so they have an advantage.

I recognize almost all of them by face now though, when we’re away from school.  Fairly often I see one of our kids out in the community (Target, Chick Fila, HEB) and we exchange “hi’s”, often to the consternation of the attending parent, who doesn’t know me and doesn’t know why their kid is talking to this strange man.  Don’t worry folks, it’s all good.

I’m really glad that they feel comfortable enough to just walk up and hug me. That’s certainly the environment I’m hoping for.  A sense of trust and comfort.

Some kids just want a hug.  But some of them clearly need it.  I can feel the difference.  And they seem to need it from a Dad; there are plenty of women around from whom to get a hug (and who will do so gladly), but they seek me out instead.

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The little girl who really stressed me out last week had a good day today.  She was socializing well and seemed happy.  I stopped her in the hall and asked her directly, and she said “doing good!”

So as is often the case with our kids, the situation was much more stressful for me than for the child.  <sigh>.

We internalize their struggles, more even than they do themselves.  I know, personally, that’s always been a struggle for me.  Back when I took care of sick and hurt people, I had to work constantly….every day…..to not internalize the really bad situations that I faced, several times a day, but still maintain enough emotional connection to have real empathy.

In emergency medicine, you gotta care just enough, but not too much. Its a razor thin balancing act.  I’m now realizing it’s a very similar situation when working with children; one cannot become emotionally disconnected, but you cannot carry all the worry and sadness on your own soul either.

From that perspective, of my former career, I look around now at my colleagues in this new adventure of elementary education and see the very same struggle in some of them.  That teacher might be getting a little too engaged in the situation(s), while that one has pulled her empathy back too far.  But the vast majority of them seem to have gotten it just right, and I’m really impressed by that.  Teachers seem to have that part mastered better than paramedics.

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Many of the kids have figured out I’m Bobby.  They solved the Clark Kent/Superman mystery much faster than the idiots in Metropolis, who still haven’t gotten it after 50 years.  It’s pretty obvious; Bobby and I are always there on the same day, you don’t see us together, and Tori is Bobby’s helper.

I diffuse it by volunteering lots of other staff for the role when asked.  It does shake the investigating kid off trail for a few minutes, and adds just enough doubt to keep it interesting (“I know you’re Bobby”.  “Nope, I think it’s Coach Brummer…” who is walking by at the moment, and he obligingly nods his head…..kid looks confused for a minute).

I think in the next few weeks I’m gonna get another Dad to dress out (we need a backup anyway) and I’ll stand next to him.  That’ll blow their little minds.

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As I’ve become more ingrained in the school, I’m developing more individual relationships with the staff.  I’m understanding more of their personalities, and in turn, how they interact individually with different students.

And it is individual.  Some teachers get along very well with certain students, where this same students really gets under the skin of other teachers.  Of course that’s a reflection of real life, and our kids need to learn how to deal with folks (including bosses) that don’t mix well with their personalities.

Everyday, I’m spending a little time with some of those “don’t mix well with everyone” students, and trying to coach them on that particular skill.  With mixed results, at best.  But I’m pretty sure it’s a worthwhile endeavor.

And I think as parents, we need to be consistent in our message about this.  Yes it’s true that Ms So-and-So doesn’t seem to like you.  That will happen in life.  But you still need to do your best to work with her, and be respectful of her, and you can’t just “hide” behind the other teacher that does like you.  There will be people who’s personalities don’t fit yours well, but you won’t always be able to avoid them.  It’s a critical skill, we gotta start learning now.

I’m hoping I can help teach that.  I guess we’ll see.