Dad On Duty #52

Oh my lord. This child is gonna be the death of me.

I’m in the teachers’ lounge bathroom, splashing cold water on my face to get my emotions under control.

I gotta shake this off.

And he’s not even my child.

Turns out, that’s a big part of why this is so hard for me, and his teachers.

He’s not *really* ours, and ultimately it’s not our call. His parents have the final say about how we all, as a village, raise this child. All the rest of us…..the school, the neighbors, his other relatives….are all just support staff for the parents in raising this child.

But we have these intense 8 hour immersions with him, and we really think we understand what makes him better, and what makes him worse. In that moment, our hearts scream “leave it to us!”

But in truth, while we probably do know better than anyone what makes him better *here*, in our world, we may NOT know what works best in the rest of his world, where he spends ~ 50% of his waking hours.   Or for the rest of his life, when he leaves us in a few years.

So what do we do when our management style for the kid conflicts with that of the parents?   Ultimately, it is the parents who have responsibility and authority to raise the child. And the school needs to support the parents in that endeavor, not countermand them.

That’s a lot harder to do than it sounds.

I am now seeing the two sides of this coin more acutely than ever. Four days a week I’m on the parent side of the issue. Then one day a week, I’m on the school side.

I can assure you, the parent side is WAY easier.

Here’s my takeaways, for my fellow parents:

1. The teachers and administrators are really good at striking that balance. Far better than you realize. (And it’s really hard….)
2. The folks at the school truly love your child. In a real way. They care, profoundly.
3. Your kid is not the same at school as he is at home. It’s a completely different environment, which evokes different behaviors. Only at school is your child surrounded by 600 other kids and 70 adults, all interacting with your child, with unique rules and parameters. You truly believe “my kid would never do that”, but believe me….he’s different here, for good reasons.

We’ll help and support you raising a great kid. But when we hit a speed bump working on this together, don’t think we’re on opposite sides.

I promise you, we’re on the same side. That of your child.