Dad on Duty #59

Milestones.

When you are the person achieving the milestones, they are awesome.  A tangible trophy of your growth, perseverance and accomplishment.

When you are the parent who has led and guided your child to the milestone, there is less a sense of accomplishment than loss.  Each step takes away from my role as parent.  I know I have other jobs, but none…NONE….has become the center of my soul like “parent”.

I am genuinely proud of each milestone our kids achieve, and (perhaps most significantly) I embrace my responsibility to get them to the next steps.  But to call each of these accomplishments “bittersweet” is a profound understatement.

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So, HRH had her 9th birthday yesterday.

As a family, along with her aunt, uncle and cousin, we went to a fairly nice restaurant that both she and her brother enjoy.

She wore a beautiful dress and wedge silver heels, begrudgingly.  She and mommy had some struggles over the wardrobe and hair situation.  A tangible sign of the change that is washing over us.

Once at the restaurant, she was great. Outgoing and engaging.

At one point, she heads to the bathroom.  By herself.

I watch, in guard dog mode.

She walks confidently, and looked six feet tall.  And beautiful.

I am briefly overwhelmed.

Later, she and I are talking.  She asks if I think a person’s name is a reflection of them, or shapes them.

Well, crap.  I dunno….

She answers; it’s both.  She tells me “I believe God suggests the name, because He already knows you when you’re still in Mommy’s tummy.  He gives you a name that reflects who He already knows.  And you grow into that name”.

No shit.  Quote.

“I think you’re right” is my only reply.

And we order ice cream.

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Our son is now entering his second year of college.  He was home all summer, and is now returning to school.

It was hard and very disruptive to all of us to have him gone this year.  But it kinda went back to normal while he was home for the summer.

But this time, though it’s far from certain, there is a real possibility he won’t come back next summer.  He will have internship opportunities elsewhere.

He will come home for holidays, and probably every chance he gets.  He genuinely likes it here. But the part of our lives where the boy is home for weeks or months at a time….may be over.

Another milestone reached.

I imminently see his new, grown up life on the horizon.

Soon he will have his own family.  And we will be going to see him, rather than vice-versa.

He will always be profoundly connected to us and close to us. That is his personality, fundamentally.

But that’s different from *living* with us.

And that milestone, my friends, has no joy in it at all.