Dad on Duty #114

Head down, into the firefight.

A mantra, I told myself for so many years.

Push into it.  It will be rough.  But you are trained and prepared for this.

Head down, and go into the firefight.

It’s surprising and a little disturbing how much I’ve said that to myself over the last 40 years.

First, it started in the Fire department.  They strapped a mask on my face, and sent me into a dark, really hot room.  And I had to crawl through a tunnel, just a hair bigger than my shoulders.  Very claustrophobic, very unpleasant.  But critical training, because it turns out…..that’s what really happens in that job.

Then in real life that turned out to happened a lot.  Head down, into the fire.  And sometimes the firefight.  People shooting real bullets at us.  Even though we were there to help.  Dying people grasping at my shirt.  Twisted and broken bodies, from which I am not permitted to look away….I must face it, and take charge of it. 

I don’t talk about those much, and probably never will.  But in 40 years, there was some….stuff.  Maybe someday I will share.  I don’t know.  I’ve told Amy a couple of them, and a few of you others were there by my side.

Now, so many, many years later, I find myself again, head down, into the firefight.  Telling it to myself again, now. 

But this time it’s kids. 

Kids from hard places.  Kids with real mental and behavioral health problems.  Adults who don’t understand, and many who simply can’t understand.  Pushback.  Old, outdated viewpoints.  Unhelpful and unhealthy asks….by the adults.  But the parents also have genuine concerns, real unmet needs and good ideas.  It’s complex and messy and dangerous…..

……like a fire.

And on the other side of all that fire, stand the kids. 

So, I will do the best I can to put my head down, and push through the fire and into the firefight.