Dad On Duty #116

So I kinda made a fool of myself the other day.

I pretty much stopped the operations of the school, over a suspicion I had, that turned out to be unfounded.

But as I’ve contemplated the event over a few days, I realize; there might be a lesson in that mistake for many other people. You might benefit from my screw up.

I believe that anyone that interacts with, is responsible for, or cares for people who are vulnerable or at risk needs to embrace and internalize the fact that we (the caregivers) will need to take some calculated risks, and successfully manage risk analysis.

Is the risk of me sounding a false alarm greater than the risk of missing a real threat?

That, fundamentally, ends up being the question.

So back to my real life experience, as an exercise for that question; I thought I heard a student say something really scary, that made me believe the student’s welfare was in immediate jeopardy.

But I was wrong. I misheard.

A couple of other staff members had already heard what the student was saying, but they heard it correctly. And while what the scholar was actually saying was not a great thing…..and needed correction and redirection….it was not what I thought, and it didn’t represent an immediate threat to the kid’s welfare.

But even after I had heard them have that conversation, my exchange with the kid seemed different. And I thought I heard something much worse.

Mind you, when I was talking with the scholar, it was just before dismissal. There were, literally, a hundred kids in the hallway within 25 feet of us, and it was LOUD. The student walked by me, looking very dejected and downtrodden, and when I stooped down to ask if the kid was ok, the student said what I thought was something very scary. But honestly, I could barely hear it. I asked again, and thought I heard the same thing yet a second time.

So I was sure enough to take it to the next level.

The admins had to stop everything they were doing, disrupt dismissal, and go check out my suspicion.

And I was wrong. I didn’t hear what I thought.

Here’s another case, where I was wrong about a suspicion, and proceeded to disrupt a significant part of the school operation.

We were having a large special event, with a lot of visitors. I’m watching halls and doors closely.

I see an adult male, that I don’t know, walking down a cross-hall perpendicular to me. The “window” in which I can see into that intersection is only about 10 feet wide. In that short space, I see this man walking by, with his jacket hanging by the hood off his head and flowing down around him, like a cape. He’s wearing his coat only by putting the hood on his head, and letting the rest of it just kinda fall around him.

It looks odd. Literally, like a cape of some sort.

He’s about 200 feet away from me, and he crosses that space in just about 2 seconds. The image strikes me……that’s weird…..and then he’s gone.

So again, we have a risk assessment.

Do I let that go by? Or do I go check it out? There is a 99.9% likelihood that it’s perfectly innocent.

But I have to make that decision right now. I actually took a class where they taught us to estimate how far a man would travel, walking or running, per second. So I’m doing the math, and I know he will be pretty far by the time I get there, unless I go really fast, right now.

I decide to go really fast. I run as hard as I can down the hall toward the intersection. Now, I’m a 200 pound man and when I run down an elementary school hall, it makes a lot of noise. Like a herd of water buffalo.

So as I thunder by the admin office, an administrator hears me (most likely, her coffee was knocked out of her hands by the shock waves) and asks “everything OK?” When she asks that, I’m approaching the intersection, where, if anything bad is going to happen, is when and where it will. So I am hesitant in my answer. And that hesitation gets her attention, so she drops the real work she’s doing to come check on me.

Again, my suspicion was unfounded. I wasted her time and attention. All was good.

So let’s talk about the risk analysis.

What’s the worst thing that can happen if you raise an alarm, that is unfounded? You waste some time and resources, and you personally get embarrassed.

Now, if you did that every day, or even more than a few times over….well…..ever……that could really start to matter. The whole “crying wolf” thing is a real issue. And distraction and unnecessary scares have real costs.

On the other hand, what if you think you see or hear something concerning….and do nothing, or even wait too long….and it turns out the bad thing does happen? What is that cost?

So, it’s embarrassing to be wrong. It’s distressing to hold your hand up, and disrupt the normal flow of things, for no reason.

But none of that is as bad as seeing or hearing something that turns out to be a really bad thing that actually happens, and miss the opportunity to intercede.

If you are involved with people at risk or who are vulnerable, my advice is don’t be shy. Don’t be worried about being wrong or embarrassed. If you think there’s something amiss, don’t hesitate. Act.

Find the balance. Don’t alarm when it’s not really needed, but don’t miss a real threat. You’ll have to do that by experience, which is another word for “mistakes”. Just accept that, and be OK with it.

I’ve made many mistakes in my prior profession that had horrendous consequences. Literally life and death. Maybe that’s why this bothers me less than it might others, or would have bothered me many years ago.

People rely on us. Do not underestimate that. Don’t be scared.

And definitely don’t worry about being embarrassed.

On the risk stratification scale, your embarrassment is….well…..inconsequential.